I'm Tryna Tell You I'm Sorry Bruh
*Record scratch*
I bet you’re wondering how we got here. First let’s go back to 1993…
Kidding. But unless you’ve been living under a rock, or you’re like me and keep setting social media limits on your phone to get a break from everybody else’s business, you’ve heard about Cardi B and Offset’s breakup. Saturday night at her Rolling Loud performance, he interrupted her headlining set with tacky ass flowers arranged to spell “take me back Cardi” and fixed the saliva stuffed sides of his mouth to say:
“I’m tryna tell you I’m sorry bruh.”
Don’t get me wrong, Cardi is young and ratchet, and I could totally see her posting or identifying with an IG quote that says, “a public embarrassment deserves a public apology.” I could also see Offset surrounded by men and women who share that same sentiment encouraging him to make a fool of himself and further embarrass his wife.
Since I don’t personally know Cardi, although I go by a similar alias when I’m feeling spicy (Smardi B), I can’t say what would actually count as a sufficient apology for her.
What I do know is Offset went about it the wrong way, and apologizing and forgiveness in any kind of relationship can be tricky.
But, there is hope!
If you’re like me and accidentally dated a “be my peace” or “I’m at a point in my life” nigga or two, you know all about taking the 5 Love Languages quiz. Although that quiz is mostly used to troll women in the early stages of a relationship, the 5 Apology Languages is actually useful because it doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, AND other than not doing the thing that you apologize for, how are you supposed to know what works?
If you identify with Offset in any way, you probably hate doing things like reading, learning and growing, but if you want to change that and you’re not sure how to apologize to someone you’ve hurt, take a look at the different types of apologies below, and take the quiz here.
The Five Apology Languages
Expressing Regret: This apology language focuses on the emotional hurt you’ve experienced from the other person’s actions or behavior. Focusing on emotional hurt means that hearing a genuine “I’m sorry” goes a long way for you. When someone is expressing regret, you feel that they are expressing the guilt and shame they feel for hurting you or causing you pain. You are not looking for “the next step” in how to fix the problem; you are looking for the person who’s hurt you to own the emotional hurt they’ve caused.
Accepting Responsibility: For many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, “I am wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many people will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere. Many people need to learn how to overcome their ego, the desire to not be viewed as a failure, and simply admit that their actions were wrong. For someone who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. Though this may be hard to do for some people, it makes a world of a difference to someone who speaks this language.
Genuinely Repent: This apology language focuses on how the person apologizing will modify their behavior in future similar situations. Not only is there a genuine apology for the pain caused, but also verbalization for the desire to change. Genuinely repenting takes an extra step towards change, as you need to hear the person express they want to change and set realistic goals for how they will make those changes. Unlike expressing regret, you ARE looking for that “next step” and how your partner will ensure this does not happen again.
Make Restitution: For someone whose primary apology language is making restitution, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, they will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love them and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.
Request Forgiveness: This apology language is all about asking for forgiveness and giving your partner space to decide if they forgive you. If this is your love language, it is meaningful to you for your partner to actually ask for your forgiveness. Requesting forgiveness is much different than demanding forgiveness. The key to requesting forgiveness is to allow the hurt partner to make the final decision, rather than force it upon them. By demanding forgiveness, you are taking away the sincerity if forgiveness is given.
